Letter 70

July 26, 2011

Dear Mom,

How are you and all getting by lately? Good, hopefully. I continue to struggle against the ever present possibility of another disciplinary report; like I need that...ever! Though, let me not endanger my chances of departure when I'm this close to it. This is only a (hopefully) brief note to let you know a couple of possible things happening here. Feels good to be able to truthfully put those words down for a change.

Firstly, I had what is likely the last counseling session during the time I'll be here...hopefully. That session included topics of all the usual stuff; like sleep, eating, number and intensity of anxiety attacks per week, etc., but the main thing is that I'm getting a possible recommendation from the mental health people! It was a huge relief to find out that my lack of attendance in the groups won't even enter into the decision to detain me longer. A good thing...if my attendance at those groups was required to progress, I think I'd be here until I died.

That, added to the fact the nurse came by and told me she'd put me on the list to see the eye doctor, is the best sort of news I could reasonable expect in the here and now. I have no idea what brought this on...a possibility it's the product of maintaining an unflappable exterior the way I have. Seriously evident except for some behaviors and a few gray hairs. At long last, this nightmare is finally coming to an end.

I don't know how I'll act with the relative freedom of general population, but I'm sure somehow I will adapt. Without tipping my hand too much, I can testify to the fact there are places worse than just being in prison. I was close enough to see them. For now, the only dark cloud on the horizon is one of the last things my counselor said. She said she has never heard of anyone going directly to Tomoka in all the time she's worked here. Hopefully, I'll be the exception.

Gotta start getting my wits about me, as I'm sure something will try to derail me over the time I've got left here. I've mailed some pretty impactful and strongly termed letters to Renelle; hopefully, she received them.

Anyhow, time to bow down and smile. Much love and regards,
James

p.s. J says Hi.