Letter 54

June 17-18, 2011

Dear Renelle,

I'd really like to just collect my things and leave, thank you very much. I question how far that would get me if I told my classification officer those words, though. I mean I'm only crazy--not stupid. I do have a grip on reality, no matter how slippery it is. The nonsense is becoming intense around here--my opinion. We have to be in full dress uniform readiness at all times now, and yes--even in our sleep as well. This place is giving me nightmares about reverting to ways I haven't been since I was a child, for cryin' out loud.

The atmosphere here is 100% pure poison. Got cellies arguing about nothing. I'm even debating furiously with myself over most things now. If it continues along these lines for another week or so, I'm going to be reduced to the level of a flesh-bottom, incapable of individual or creative thought, and just like Pavlov's dog, only acting a certain predictable way all the time. That is just not me at all--but it doesn't make any sense to fight it, as, in the final analysis, I do have to be here for a bit longer yet.

As you seem to be a staunchly free-thinking individual, let me ask what your response would be to this foolishness pervading/poisoning our minds? It has already succeeded to a point, in that my celly thinks I'm acting like Superman when truthfully, I'm just slow to react to what I consider foolish orders anyhow. This idea he has will likely continue unless he's able to understand me somewhat better. Until then, he has himself to deal with, and I've got me.

Many changes have taken place in a very short time since last night. I'll do my best to at least describe those affecting us smurfs and myself, for you. Not like this place was ever a load of laughs, but the most notable difference instituted is that prior to--we were able to relax a bit on dress code on shower nights. Now we have to be Class-A if we want to even step outside the doors; all the way to the showers, get back in full uniforms afterwards, keep hair and fingernails short and bald, and sit in front of the T.V.  to be mercilessly assaulted with the mononathon of Springervision while remaining silent. 

This is a dim overview of what it's like here. One must take in the completely up-to-date picture to get a real idea of how much this chaos-breaking effort is having the opposite effect with me. I believe I'm doing a good job of maintaining decorum, all considered.

They taunt us (guards), tempting us with what most of these smurfs believe to be true freedom--by telling us we get T.V. privileges if we stay in full uniforms and quietly watch. The hatred of those less-domesticated smurfs is on a low-boil, and will soon result in greatly more highly offensive behaviors/attitudes, not having any other outlet for it, which will not only result in the officials being forced to respond with force to subdue those angry individuals, in turn resulting in even less alleged freedoms and the boot more heavily upon us all. Oh, almost forgot--this will happen at an increased expense to the taxpayers of this state.

Of course, that's only my opinion of the most likely scenario resulting from the current conditions--and I may very well be mistaken. I have been mistaken a time or two previously, after all. 

These circumstances become more strict and severe by the hour, seemingly, and I resolve here/now not to let anything or anyone impede my departure. After all, I didn't know anyone here now before I got here, and while one or two have occasionally kept me out of harm's way (when it suited their purposes), I'd be perfectly contented if I passed through this rather intense episode in the life I have left with barely a ripple.

This is one of the ultimate "no-wake zones." If there was any way to use the phone for me (I've got an invalid PIN) I would be on it at every chance I get for the next month, which speaks to how much I miss being able to do that. Long to short, it would take being released and being rearrested to straighten it now--it's so fouled up! It's akin to the type thrill I get from having a sworn and mortal enemy as a barber, and required to have my hair cut every two weeks!

The flow of mail you receive from me may take a breather while I find out if I can get another pen. I keep asking the officers and Sgts.--hopefully either will become so sick of me asking that they'll gladly throw one at me soon, but I can't tell. Think I just did. Anyway, I'll tend to my other limited activities as this day is over and the available light wanes.

Saturday, June 18--now, the thought collides I ought to end/close this before too much longer. An odd phenomenon exists with my things: if I don't have a letter in an envelope, its chances of making the journey to its destination are much greater against than if it is. Don't have the faintest clue as to why--I guess it may have to do with being bound and/or complete.

In any event, received your letter of the 13th, but the sun had long disappeared from the sky, and J. (says Hi) entered into a state of hibernation, so I didn't want to bother him needlessly with the lights on, besides which, morning was only 7 hours away, and the mail won't go anywhere for the next two days anyway.

One thing I noticed (for mistaken information) in your letter--I'm fully able to recall where I was when I took my G.E.D. tests, but jut not the year. It was while I was being studied at the Menninger Institute in Topeka, Kansas. I suffered so mightily during that period of my life--you have no idea. The place was like a country club more than a hospital. I daily fell on the cafeteria's neck with a scream, but I digress, my point being only that it was in Kansas, Toto, and not lousy-ana I took my G.E.D.

Ah, he rouses from a near comatose state. Think I'll tell him it's a day later than it is--see how long it takes him to figure out. This may prove interesting. Many letters await my attention, and so I now take my leave and close.

Your reliable friend,

James