Letter 68

Beginning the ides of July, 2011

Dear Mom,

I don't really have anything earth-shattering to convey, aside from the foul blackness engulfing me from the latest policy. As I said I would though, I'm getting back to you to make sure this base is touched by me. So, J is counsel whenever I want to let fly, damn the torpedoes, I'm going to do it my way no matter what, and I reciprocate by the fact I'm here if he ever starts drawing attention to himself in a similar manner. I've got no idea what it is I could do to stop it if it ever came down to it; lucky for us it hasn't, though I'm not out yet.

The one that's got me in such a black and rageful mood is now, since the last remnant of humanity quit rather than employ the pointless rattling of our collective cages, is they've started turning on the brights and waking us, by force if needed, a half hour before we eat breakfast in the morning. They keep the lights on until the end of that shift too! All it does is piss me off and leads to thoughts I'd be wise not to list here. The object I do well to remember is to leave prison behind me by the end of next year.

It is time for our lunch so I may have to stop this letter suddenly. Coming back to the "bright spot" of the day, I'm able to think of no good thing that keeping the lights on does, unless it is somehow meant to make clear that prison is not an experience to be sought after. Otherwise, I'm in an unusually good mood...even with the events of the morning.

I think the underlying mood to be the result of being as close as I am to seeing my daughter at a visit. I'm really enjoying that you had me in mind and sent the pictures of her to me.

The adversity prevalent in copious quantities here is bringing J and I into a new level of friendship instead of having the more common effect of causing arguments and fights. He is having a sleep-deprived moment that I know through hard experience makes one as crazy as any drug can! I don't see how he goes on like he does; the guy hasn't been written up for over two years now. Different strokes I guess.

After 2:00 pm now, and I'm more thoroughly convinced of the need to have my "A-Game" on 24/7 here. This isn't life I'm living as much as a battle for keeping my marble(s) inside my head! Yet another valid reason for cessation of the tranquilizer the doctor has me taking.

I'm including a response to a letter I got yesterday from Dad and would appreciate it being forwarded to him. Something he mentioned in his letter has me confused though; he talks about elections in what I thought was a solid monarchy. Maybe it could be explained to me. I hope I didn't let the cat out of the bag, telling him about Karla passing away.

At any rate, the canteen management finally decided to do their jobs; they don't really expect lunch will be eaten, in other words. It is amazing what one can adapt to when they've got no choice about it. I'm really looking forward to seeing Lori in person and not in pictures or hearing of her.

J is still making sounds I understand he wants to write a brief note of thanks to you for your efforts on his behalf...just not now. With that,I've got no more news to impart to you. Thank God we smurfs get a break from being a lab specimen on the weekends. I don't know that I could take it if not. Let me cut that off before I get on another rant!

Much love and regards,
James

What kind of bird doesn't fly? A jail bird of course!