Letter 69

July 21, 2011

Dear Mom,

Hey, a brief note to catch up on some things, for posterity sake if nothing else. First off, I'm unable to describe my happiness (compared to my usual routine of having to do more with less than the day before and get it exactly right or else) at having what is hopefully the last visit you will need to get up so early for in order to arrive here. I'll hopefully be transferred to Tomoka to finish out my sentence. Please knock on some wood for me. If it goes like that, my sentence will be, while unconstitutional in my opinion, not as colossal a waste of time as it could have been.

The drugs I was taking with abandon, in a way suggesting there were no such things as consequences, I take no longer/shorter/more/less. A singular miracle, if ever there was one, is: I've come to some greater maturity in their absence of control. I don't know for sure if I would be similarly disposed if not for this wholly needless period of trial lasting a period of years. I could be better off, but I don't think it would have been as relatively easy for me to turn my back on the way of living I was locked into. Right now, that's all I'm able to generate in my mind positively, for being inmated. It's far easier for me to dwell on and list the negative aspects, so I don't.

As for remaining (illegal) drug-free post release, I don't agree fundamentally with any of the self-help groups. By which, I believe if I was able to have helped myself, I wouldn't have been putting myself in harms way nearly as often as I was to begin with. The other area I disagree with the anonymous groups in is where they claim that a person (singular) gets drunk and the group (plural) recovers. It wasn't that way for me, so rather than go into a lengthy explanation as to how, I just avoid them. Not that I feel they are wrong, just wrong for me.

As a corollary issue, J is/has finally written the much ballyhooed letter (bullyhooed by me at any rate). So, I think as long as I can get through the foreseeable future until it is the present and do so keeping all my insides inside me, all will then be much gooderer for me. You have done so much to help pull me through this time of trial, I can't even begin to list it. My constituency and I alike thank you immensely for everything. Add to this the fact that talking with one another brings J and I closer as well. It's a win-win.

Of course, it would be an example of displaying something other than good or common sense to have anything other than a decent day...with the indifferent way I was treated by the 12-8 shift, but I still nearly managed to do it. Stumbling around without my watch on, I mistook the guy working on the 8-4 shift for a guy on the 12-8 and made an off-hand comment about his questionable parentage. He stopped, asked me to repeat what I said, and I realized the mistake I'd made.

In any event, I'd better close this letter and coach J with the complexities of an unfamiliar language use. Wish me luck.

Much love and regards,
James