Letter 63

July 8, 2011

Dear Mom,

I was just wallowing in my self-made misery and got the urge to share some of my thoughts on my future after I'm released. As it gets closer, I'm able to see details clearly enough that it isn't quite as rosy as I'd dreamed it to be. Let me back out of this gracefully to inquire how you are getting along lately. After all, it has been since last month that I've written to you. How is everything going? Smooth as a digital watch, hopefully. So far, at least, it is calm here. J. says "hi." Hope you had a good 4th.

Back to my extended period of imprisonment after I leave here. I'm aware of how little sense that makes, from the usual point of view. I don't envision a possible life without being fed tranquilizers daily after I reach the world beyond the gate again. The way I see it, I'll have to stay doped up all the time so that an incident similar to beating the guy almost to death doesn't recur.

As distasteful as that seems to me, the alternative involves me self-medicating, and bitter experience has taught me that isn't even to be considered. Those options (really only one), are what I foresee after release from these cells. Facing these realities is difficult for me and I haven't gone into them before now on the thin hope that a different future would present itself to me.

Oh, I don't know if I included it in my last letter, but I have the books you bought for me and am half way through The Outliers already! What a tremendous mind! I don't even "get" him until I've reread it sometimes. M. Gladwell may just be the best author alive, in my opinion; certainly the best of the ones I've got access to here.

I'm going to do something, as I am able, about my dietary/exercise habits so that I don't get released and die of a heart attack. I don't know what exactly...but the next time you see me my proportions will be different. It is a shame Laura isn't going to visit, but the timing isn't right and I understand.

J. and I had an actual conversation last night regarding the plans I've got when I'm released from C.M. next month sometime. He suggested a faith-based program that is...get this...only as far from you as Daytona! From the way he describes it, it would suit me precisely as an exit strategy. No stranger to faith-based organizations am I. I imagine he has been to most all the prisons in the Florida-Georgia-Alabama region after all the time he's served...so far (30 years!), so I believe him without a doubt; again, E.F. Hutton comes to mind.

On the flip side, the Florida fires were at the point of burning the whole state until the much needed rains during this time of year let the fire fighters get a very slight edge in the battle. Don't know how true this is, but I heard that good old Rick was touring the areas damaged by fire to possibly declare the whole of the bend an emergency zone and that he is planning to chip in with FEMA funds. Guess it was tough for him to give the budget a rest from all the cutting. I've changed my mind and no longer wish to be associated with the government in any way whatsoever. I've got my reasons for this development. To list them in this medium would be tantamount to leading with my chin, in boxing terminology.

During the next visit I receive, I'll discuss some of my plans both pre- and post-release with you and get your input on them while unclouded by tranquilizers. With that,I believe all the bases have been touched on and I'm on the way home (at last!) Clear a path, I'm coming in for a landing...in many ways.

Much love and regards,
James