Letter 31

May 2, 2011

Dear Mom,

Yet another dark anniversary is past (marking the day I first arrived at Lake C.I.). I literally throw myself on your mercy, asking your forgiveness for my forgetting until too late, your birthday, anniversary, and Mother's Day. I offer no pat excuse for it; as noted, all I'm able to do is ask forgiveness of you and Ray. Hopefully, I won't need to do this for your next birthday.

It's all downhill from here, in at least a couple of ways. Most importantly, I'm now past the half-way point in my prison sentence. Too bad it doesn't call for wider recognition than just me. Also, for the day, as Jesus and I just forced down the most rotten meal here (in my opinion). The brand new plasma T.V. is showing a basketball game or something.

This used to be my favorite time of year; football going into pre-season soon, all the draft picks/trades getting done, no prima-donna posturing going on, etc., etc. Now though, all that is behind me. Gambling feverishly has completely ruined what otherwise would be an easy kind of laid-back season for me. I don't gamble. I don't have anything against those who do...let me stop before I write that bold-faced lie! I wish nothing but endless torment on those gambling here. I never was interested in any sport enough to put a bet on the outcome of a game. I always remember that it's why they call it "gambling" and not "winning." I can't wait for the noise to end, which should be in approximately 45 minutes after taking my medicines. That Remeron is potent enough to stop a rhino!

I'm half-way done with the book by the guy that wrote from Angola. Man, that guy has seen some hard times! Don't know if you've read it, but he did 44 years, mostly at that one prison and much of it in Confinement, from 1961 to 2005. He is just now getting into the early 70's and already he's made it up to the top as an uncensored writer. Gives me a lot of hope. As much as the prison system has changed, I'm still wrong even if I'm right. 

Ignorance, anger (or rage), and closed minds are still in positions of authority...and while I don't see myself "tilting at any windmills" I'm occasionally placed in a position forcing my hand. Nuff said about that. I know how I get. Oh, that reminds me, I know you can't make it happen, but Jesus wonders if he will ever hear from anyone?

Meanwhile, I'd better rest soon, slave-driver that I am. I'll be on a physical exercise regiment tomorrow. Always tomorrow!

Happy birthday, Mother's Day, and anniversary.

Much love,

James