Letter 74

August 14, 2011

Dear Mom,

Well, here it is past my due-date for returning books to the library. Don't they realize the library police can levy quite a hefty fine on me for keeping books this long? If only it were such a simple/easy matter to untangle. There is definite cause for hope in my little self-centric world though; it is very possible I failed to mention that my classification officer spoke with me briefly on August 12th, so at least it is likely that he will give the wheels a nudge to either keep me officially or let me go. This being in the dark stuff isn't me any longer.

So, how are you...what are you up to lately? Hopefully you aren't taking on too much at once, you are the only you there is and no one has a spare. For myself, I continue on merrily enduring the derivations of C.M. status with a smile. Just because I smile doesn't mean I'm happy, though. A trait I picked up after being homeless for some years that is kind of like a mask.

J is displaying a marked interest in polishing his already vastly improved English skills. To the point he has the Blue Book of English Grammar as much as I do now. Through many negotiations, we settled on an arrangement that is as fair as anything I am able to come up with: He holds the books that won't fit into my locker for me until I want them, and then I exchange them on a one for one basis. I've got a ton of reading to do now, but one thing has me concerned.

This huge Mark Twain ten-book volume could be counted as ten books putting me way over the limit for the half dozen I'm allowed to keep when I go to the Rec. Center again.  I'm not sure if I can keep them with me and I might have to send them to you until I'm in a more permanent situation. Of course, this concession will be moot if I'm given a poor review for some reason. All of my hopes are tied to being transferred this month, and if I had not seen Mr. Goodwin, I might still be in the dark next month as well.

I feel almost like I'm depriving myself. I need to fully explain that statement as it can be easily misconstrued. For some reason beyond my understanding, J wasted no time in giving away the ten food items we get a week. As strange as that was, he seems to be taking on a stance more like myself. I haven't asked him why...but I intend to. That resulted in my again being the only one with anything to snack on, which is growing more of a necessity daily. I don't eat in front of him while I know he is hungry. So, the above is true. (Note from Mom: It is my belief that J is using some of his food money to negotiate contraband items or favors from other prisoners...like cigarettes. James can't say that in a letter.)

Other traits are emerging from his taciturn personality; well, more like longings would be better terminology. Although he has pretty much accepted the fact that he may not leave someplace on this side of the gate, without any obvious anger he has made mention of the fact that I get mail weekly from either you, Chee Chee, or Renelle. Not that he doesn't want me to get the letters, but he would appreciate getting mail in addition to the sporadic letter from Mauro. He would like to correspond with a woman roughly his age (50).

In no way does this reflect any dissatisfaction with Mauro. It is difficult to explain how this is with a guy who is like a Sphinx: in for a penny, in for a pound though. It would make the time go by much easier with someone he could correspond with more often. I'm not asking you to be a pimp for anyone; still, I can only imagine the loneliness he has endured. I know it is hard to imagine times desperate enough to cause me to look back on this as the good old days, no matter what the song by Carly Simon said.

Time to get this in the mail, but I've got a question to ask on J's behalf. The picture you sent of him from the Internet was sent off to Mauro, so now he would like to have two or three more for his family and friends, if you wouldn't mind sending them. Tempus fugit (time flies), or something like that.

Much love and regards,
James

P.S. Additionally, would like a picture of Luis Gonzales, DC #M35784, for comparison purposes. Thanks.